Losing my ground
by hazydaze
Summary: “I made a promise which I intend to keep,” Kahlan sighed, “How long do you think this will go on for?” “A while, those two could scream for hours,” Chase said with a sad smile, “I know it must be hard for you, seeing Anna.” Set in 1x14 Hartland.


Warnings/Spoilers: Set in 1x14 Hartland but more or less AU from the main plot. References to episodes before it and general series spoilers.

Disclaimer: Sword of Truth series belongs to Terry Goodkind and Legend of the Seeker belongs to Disney/ABC, this is a piece of non-profit fiction and makes no claims to be anything else.

Summary: _"I made a promise which I intend to keep," Kahlan sighed, "How long do you think this will go on for?"_

"_A while, those two could scream for hours," Chase said with a sad smile, "I know it must be hard for you, seeing Anna."_

"_Because Richard loved her before?" Kahlan shrugged..._

Author Notes: Thanks to the girls; Rosie, Kate and Chloe for giggle fun tiemz that ensured that this fic would get finished and not thrown on the "ARGH I've had enough pile."

&

There been another. Another who had touched Richard's heart and made it beat faster at the promise of something more.

Anna, Kahlan noted, was more slight than her. Her chest didn't spill in the same way Kahlan's did when she leant forward. But still Richard tracked the movement. Anna placed a hand on her hip, again smaller than Kahlan's own, she wondered if this was something the Westland people considered attractive. If Kahlan was honest, she felt a certain amount of satisfaction that even though the practise of the hair growth and corresponding social standing didn't apply here, her hair was longer than Anna's.

"You found her pretty once Richard," Kahlan replied as Anna sat speaking with Chase not but a foot from Kahlan and Richard.

Richard seemed stilted, admit that he did, this would upset Kahlan and if he said he didn't, she knew he'd be lying to her.

"What I found attractive then doesn't apply to me now. I'm a different man," Richard said, not with ease as he walked over to the table away from Kahlan.

A changed man. A man who fought to free the world from evil rule. But a man who had everything he held dearly destroyed in pursuit of his own end.

Kahlan felt the weight of it, drowned in it before she excused herself to go outside.

"Kahlan," A soft voice called. Anna made her way from the doorway to where Kahlan picked up a few cursory stones.

She felt her power prickle at the intrusion. Anna was unaware of what a Confessor was, what Kahlan could do in the space of a heartbeat. Her face slipped into a mask, "Anna? Is there something I can…"

"You travel with Richard?"

It was a futile question, of course Kahlan travelled with Richard, she narrowed her eyes as Anna continued.

"And you would know, if -- if there was anyone in his heart," Anna looked up at Kahlan under dark eyelashes, her face sweet and innocent. Nothing of the woman who put to sleep a D'Haran soldier so she could steal from him.

Kahlan kept her face smooth, her tone was cold and she felt no need to warm it, "I make no presumptions as to knowing Richard's heart."

"But you're his friend. Are you saying you aren't even as close to acknowledge his feelings?"

That shocked her. Kahlan didn't know if Anna was referring to Kahlan's clear ambivalence or if Richard himself had spoken of her to Anna.

"Richard is a man of his own mind. Sometimes I wonder if I ever really know what's going on in there," Kahlan said honestly. "But --"

Anna looked at her again, hopeful.

"He hasn't said if there was a person he would like," Kahlan kept her face still even though her heart was torn into a thousand pieces.

Richard called for them, standing in the doorway to Chase's house, Kahlan could see him frowning. He was staring at her, maybe he noted her 'Confessor' face. Maybe he just didn't like the thought of the two women talking.

Kahlan looked at both of them before she spoke, "I'm going to go into town, there are a few things I need."

----

"Oh my, my," The dressmaker said as she saw Kahlan enter her shop. "Aren't you a pretty thing?"

Kahlan smiled, the warmth of the shop owner made her feel at ease. "I'm so sorry to bother you but I need a dress and rather soon."

"Really, dear? I've already made several gowns that would suit such a lovely face," Delia, as she revealed her name to be, said as she offered up a gown of green velvet.

"That's not what I had in mind," Kahlan said, picking up a dress in blue velvet with a satin under layer.

----

"You're going to take me with you," Kahlan said to Anna.

Anna looked at Kahlan for a moment, unclear of her intent, "You seduced a high ranking official, I want you to take me with you."

"Kahlan --"

"I won't tell Richard if you help me," Kahlan offered. Anna seemed to be weight her options before she agreed.

"But I don't think they'll think much of you in your forest wear," Anna hadn't implied anything other than its plain meaning. Kahlan knew couldn't wear her Confessor's dress either, so she held up her proffered blue dress, "I have it covered."

-----

Kahlan held herself high in the mirror. With a few alterations, the dress was just what Kahlan imagined. Blue like her eyes, it was tight on her corset underneath, baring her shoulders and sitting low on her breasts. Kahlan turned left then right, the hem swishing in place. It reached just above her ankles but a slit to the thigh exposed enough and a little flesh to impress.

Anna poked her head through the door, "Are you ready?"

Kahlan grabbed her cloak, placing it on her shoulders and hugged it tight to herself. Neither Chase nor Richard could see what they were up to.

"I guess we'll have to find out," Kahlan said quietly as she followed Anna out.

-------

"What do those two think they're doing?" Chase asked Richard as Richard sat down with some spiced soup.

"I have no idea, but I intend to find out," Richard seemed more than concerned at this turn of events, Chase noted.

"Without being seen?"

"Without being seen." Richard agreed.

&

People played instruments, but the music left no room to misconstrue the intent. It was meant to seduce, but with the amount of men and ale, it wouldn't have been hard in the silence.

Kahlan slipped her cloak from her shoulders, the men already watching her and Anna let out murmurs of appreciation.

One, a higher ranking soldier, was as bold as to walk straight up to Anna and ask, "Who is your friend Anna? Do tell where you've been hiding her."

Kahlan held her face to not let her disgust show at the leer the man made. Anna shrugged, nonchalant, "She's just visiting. She was kind enough to suggest that she might bring some fun with her on her way through."

"I'm sure," The soldier nodded, slapping Kahlan on the backside, "Got a name honey?"

"Kahlan," Kahlan said sweetly, leaning forward slightly, he would never remember her name, let alone realise she was a Confessor. His eyes went straight to her breasts, Anna looked at her sharply, but Kahlan ignored her. "It's nice to meet you."

"Nice? Oh it's gonna be more than 'nice' darlin'," He assured her.

-----

Kahlan made her way back to the main hall. She messed her hair and ruffled her clothing before she turned to the soldier, Lucas, "You know your orders."

"Yes Confessor, I am to steal any information on the missing people of Hartland and report back to you," Lucas nodded, his face contorted in a smile Kahlan realised he must not have done it often.

Lucas ignored his fellow soldiers as he left, Anna pulled Kahlan aside, "What did you just do?"

"I got us some help," Kahlan said harshly and stared at the hand touching her.

Anna looked at her with real anger in her eyes, "My brother's life is at stake! And you're informing D'Haran --"

"No, I didn't tell him anything. I just got him on our side," Kahlan said before she turned and left.

----

"Kahlan thinks of no one but herself," Anna cried as Richard sat in front of her.

Kahlan sat out on Chase's porch as she heard Anna rage. Chase sat beside her, he eyed her cloak, "Anything you want to share, Kahlan?"

"I made a promise which I intend to keep," Kahlan sighed, "How long do you think this will go on for?"

"A while, those two could scream for hours," Chase said with a sad smile, "I know it must be hard for you, seeing Anna."

"Because Richard loved her before?" Kahlan shrugged, "We've all loved before."

"Maybe so, but very few love like you and Richard. I see how much of himself he gives to you. I just hope that you can wholly return that love." Chase patted her cloak covered leg and stood.

Truthfully, she could not. She could never truly given in to her own needs as she would destroy Richard's soul, the very thing she so desperately craved.

"I selfishly keep Richard for myself, even though I know we can never be," Kahlan said, tears forming in the back of her eyes. "But I hope he can be happy with Anna."

Chase nodded gravely at Kahlan, his eyes penetrating her. Kahlan wondered if he could see how much it had cost her to admit what was really going on.

"What about his destiny? His duties as the Seeker?"

"Anna has proven herself well in each instance. I see no problems --"

Chase cut her off, "Kahlan, you say your duty is to serve and protect Richard but this does neither."

Kahlan's eyes blazed blue fire as she stared Chase down, "I know my duty, Chase. I am to lay down my life in service of the Seeker, I am to guide him through his travels, answer his questions as he wishes to ask them of me. But this," She thumped her hand on her chest over her heart, "Can never be his. Unless I want to be the one who kills him."

Chase's eyes widened before he scooped Kahlan up in a hug, "I'm so sorry, Kahlan. I didn't know."

Kahlan swatted Chase's shoulder, trying to get him to let her down. Her feet currently swung a few inches off the floor. Chase smiled and let her get to her feet. Ruffled, Kahlan's cloak shifted and revealed her deception.

Chase's eyebrows rose and Kahlan blushed, "I had nothing to wear."

"I would say that's still the case," Chase smiled wide, making Kahlan feel better in the same instance.

Kahlan shook her head, taking her dues, "I managed to get us a friend on the inside, but we're still going to need someone higher if we really want to find out what's going on with the missing people."

"Another ruse?" Chase said with hesitation. He was well aware of what the D'Haran forces were capable of.

Kahlan shook off her cloak, "Of course."

Chase didn't seem to agree, "Are you sure you're able?"

Kahlan smiled but it was distant and held no warmth, "Don't worry about me, I am more than capable."

&

"This is ridiculous!" Richard said, arms thrown up, "Kahlan would never endanger innocent people. It's not who she is."

"I'm telling you Richard, she told the D'Harans what we're doing, that we know what they've been doing," Anna said, resigned.

"What exactly did Kahlan say?" Richard sighed, his mind unable to see Kahlan as his betrayer. Not even when it was prophesised.

"When I asked her what she had done, she said, she had gotten him on our side," Anna's eyes flared again. Clearly, she didn't appreciate Richard's lack of faith in her judgement.

"She didn't betray you," Richard said with bright eyes, "She confessed him."

"Richard?" Anna frowned at him. Anna didn't know what a Confessor was, didn't know what Kahlan had sacrificed by going behind enemy lines.

Richard stood quickly, calling for Kahlan before he had even opened the door. Chase sat on the porch, looking up at him, "She went back into town. Went looking for a bigger fish."

An hour. It had been an hour since they came back from town. Kahlan's power wasn't yet returned to her. She had gone back into town, knowing full well she couldn't defend herself to the best of her abilities.

Richard didn't have to have his hands on the Sword to feel his anger, his fear for Kahlan. Anna barely kept up with him as he stalked his way back to the tavern. Anna tried pulling on his sleeve, Richard only stopped for a moment, "Richard, this is madness, they're looking everywhere for you and here you are advertising yourself for them."

Out of habit more than anything, Richard drew the Sword of Truth, its etchings glowing in the dark of night. "Kahlan needs me."

There was an almighty yell, before a man flew out of the doorway to the tavern. His throat was bloody, clearly cut, from ear to ear. Anna gasped as another man emerged, covered in the blood of the first man, Richard turned his head sharply, "What is it?"

"That's the guard, the one Kahlan said she had gotten on our side."

"What's his name?"

"Lucas Teramaine," Anna slid a knife out from her underskirt, ready to protect herself.

"Lucas!" Richard yelled, Lucas looked at him with death in his eyes. Richard sheathed his sword, "Lucas, where is Kahlan? Where is she?"

"Mistress Kahlan," He moaned with woe, Richard's heart felt like it was in a vice, he forced himself to calm. Kahlan had to still be alive, the man was still confessed.

"He knew her," Lucas said, gesturing to the dead man, "Threatened Mistress Kahlan, slapped her, made her hit her head, and pulled his blade."

Lucas pulled his own sword out of the man and didn't even bother to wipe it, "But Mistress Kahlan was ready for him, she stabbed the closest of his men, called for me to protect her as she got away."

"Kahlan got away." Richard said mostly to himself, "Where? Where did she go?"

"Not far, so much blood on her face," Lucas put his hands over his eyes, as if he could scrub the image of Kahlan's hurt face from his mind.

Anna looked at Richard, fear on her face, "I hate to say it Richard but this is Sergeant Boker, he has at least five men with him at a time."

Four of them had gone after Kahlan, who was hurt and without her power. Richard followed Lucas as he guided them in the direction Kahlan had gone, "Why only four? If they knew who she was why didn't they capture her right here?"

"Mistress Kahlan tricked them," Lucas said with a smile, "She tricked them with her beauty."

Richard felt his stomach drop, "What do you mean?"

"I say what I mean," Lucas said with a dreamy look, "Mistress Kahlan is fair of form, is she not?"

----

"What's wrong with him?" Anna whispered as they followed close behind.

Richard was in a quiet state of fury since Lucas had revealed how Kahlan had tricked the men. How she was able to confess him. "He's confessed."

"Confessed?" Anna frowned. "You've said that before. Kahlan confessed him."

"She is a Confessor," Richard said reluctantly, he didn't feel it was his place to share Kahlan's power with Anna.

"What is a Confessor?"

"A being of magic. A woman with a gift to take, through love, a person's free will so they will only serve her." Richard knew that was only a short and unworthy explanation of Kahlan's power but it would have to do.

Anna thought on this for a moment, "But she has not confessed you?"

Richard stopped dead, "No!"

"Richard, I'm sorry. I didn't…" Anna laid a hand on his arm, trying to comfort the sudden outburst.

"Kahlan would rather die than confess me, that much is clear," Richard placed his hand on the Sword, his feeling of anger did not subside, only strengthened. Richard stopped, for the first time he could see Kahlan's tracks, followed by that of the soldiers.

"Kahlan, where are you?" Richard whispered and hoped they would not be too late.

&

Kahlan ripped off a part of her dress, pressing it against her wound. It looked worse than it was but still, she felt woozy. She had been running for so long, her legs felt like lead and her heart felt like that of a overrun horse.

Stopping at a small lake which at some point on their travels, she was sure Richard had named, Kahlan washed her face and scooped up some water to her mouth. It felt like ambrosia, cooling her down for a few moments. Kahlan hoped she had managed to lose her pursuers. While neither she nor the group knew these woods particularly well, she had one thing they didn't. Richard. On his guidance, she had managed to find the cave of his childhood, the one he spent hours playing in. Secret and secluded, only Richard and a select few knew where it was.

Sighing, Kahlan pulled off the remaining slipper she had on. The other had been sacrificed to a bush earlier after getting caught. Pulling off another strip of her dress, Kahlan used it to braid her hair off her face. Luckily, the night wasn't cold as Kahlan made her way across the rocks of the lake over to the cave. Still when she finally sat down, feeling only the slightest bit sheltered, Kahlan sat with her knees hugged to her chest.

&

"You think she went over to Brodden lake?" Anna smiled, hopefully. They had spoken little since the reveal of Kahlan's Confessor ability and Richard could do little to relieve his tense mood.

"I talked about it a lot," Richard said simply, Lucas had stopped, raving that he could no longer find his mistress' tracks, Richard had to assure him that he could and would find Kahlan before they could continue on.

"Did you tell her about the time we spent there?" There was a hint of knowing in her voice. But it didn't draw Richard's fire, not anymore. Only Kahlan could cause him to burn.

"Why? It's in the past," Richard said evenly, he didn't want to hurt Anna but he didn't want her to think that there could be anything between them. For better and for worse, he had given himself wholly to his love of Kahlan, even if she couldn't love him back the same way.

"Richard…"

"Anna, don't," Richard rolled his shoulders, as if to shrug off the weight of their past. "Do you want me to tell you what I think of Kahlan? The things I dream about her?"

Anna stared at him, she knew, she had known how he felt since the beginning but pursued him anyway. "You said her power prevents you being together, Richard. That's not a life, it's a prison."

Richard's eyes darkened perceptibly, "I know what a prison is, Anna, I know what it's like to suffer torture you can't even begin to understand, and it was my love for Kahlan that saved me."

"But she can never be yours," Anna said sadly. Richard didn't know if she was sad for herself or for him. He chided himself, whatever went on between them, Anna was first and foremost his friend, she was sad that he would never really have what he dreamed of as a young boy. A wife, a family, a home, just like his father.

"Maybe, but I'll always be hers, as long as she wants me," Richard sighed. They were about to reach Brodden lake. He prayed to the good spirits that Kahlan had remembered this place. Richard helped Anna over the stones, making Lucas wait at the edge of the lake, in case the soldiers came. He was happy enough, sword drawn and face grave.

"Kahlan?" Richard whispered at the outside of the cave. No reply.

Drawing the Sword, Richard led Anna in. Anna pushed past him when they saw Kahlan laying on the floor, unconscious. Anna tenderly probed the wound on Kahlan's forehead. Richard forced himself to move, shoving the Sword back into its scabbard, he bent down to pick Kahlan up. With lightning accuracy, Kahlan held her hand centimetres from his throat.

"Kahlan, it's me, Richard. You're safe now," He brushed his hand over her hair, raising his other, so she could see it.

She lowered her hand, his name escaping her lips, "Richard!"

Pulling her into a hug, Richard stroked Kahlan's hair again, down over her braid, "This is new."

"My hair, it was bothering me as I was running. I didn't know if I'd have to run again so I braided it," Kahlan said, standing. Quickly, she undid her hair and shook it loose. Richard flushed red when he could see Kahlan in the light of the cave entrance. Her dress was definitely unlike her Confessor dress.

Kahlan went rigid when she noticed Anna, "Thank you. For helping Richard."

Richard noticed for the first time, how uncomfortable Kahlan was around Anna. Anna nodded, and gave a tilted of her head, "I'm glad you're alright Kahlan."

Kahlan nodded and continued out of the cave without them.

&

Kahlan noticed Lucas holding his hand out for her as she reached the lake, "Mistress Kahlan!"

Lucas lifted her back onto the bank with ease and showed no interest in Richard or Anna. Kahlan sighed, with her around he would never look at another human being unless she commanded it so.

"I killed him," Lucas announced, proud. "To save you."

Kahlan froze, "You killed Sergeant Boker?"

"Did-did I displease you Mistress?" Lucas looked worriedly at her.

Richard groused behind them, "No, you just announced to everyone that a Confessor is here in Hartland."

Kahlan looked at Richard sharply, before looking at Anna. Anna raised a brow, "Richard already told me you're a Confessor."

Richard did give Anna a dark look but Kahlan was too tired, too hurt to care what was going on between them anymore. Kahlan's head felt worse for all the thinking, she had done while she waited for Richard to come but now it seemed to be spiralling out of control.

Frowning, Kahlan stopped, "Wait, I don't feel so good."

Richard was at her side in an instant, holding her. He tried to catch her eye but Kahlan was forced to turn away as she emptied the contents of her stomach.

"Stop," Richard said authoritatively, "You must have a concussion."

Kahlan looked at him sceptically before he put his arm under her legs and picked her up, "Richard! What are you doing?! Put me down right now!"

------

Chase opened his door, wide eyed and ready, "What do we have here?"

"Kahlan has a concussion," Richard said, putting Kahlan down on one of the more comfortable chairs.

"Which rendered her unable to walk?" Chase asked, amused.

Kahlan stood up, "Do you have a bath I could use? I would love to get out of these dirty clothes."

"Sure, I'll show you to it," Chase said, giving Richard a look.

-----

"Thank you Chase," Kahlan said happily when she noticed the hot water already waiting for her.

"Emma thought you might need a bath when you got back," Chase rubbed the back of his neck as she spoke, "She and the kids are in bed. I didn't want to wake them when you returned."

Kahlan nodded in agreement, "Of course."

"So Richard carried you from Brodden lake?" Chase asked, mischievously.

"Yes, he was insistent on it," Kahlan said, wrinkling her nose.

Chase seemed to think on it for a moment before he spoke, "I remember when Anna broke her leg at the lake. Richard came all the way back to his house for his father before he did anything to help her."

"Your point?"

"Rather heroic don't you think? Carrying you all the way back to town," Chase mused.

"I'm a Confessor, being carried around like a child…" Kahlan stopped when she caught Chase's meaning.

"Nice to know there's still a bit of the old Richard still in there," Chase said with another smile, "You better get in before it gets cold."

Kahlan was just about to submerge when Anna knocked on the door, "Kahlan?"

Sliding in, Kahlan called to Anna, "I'm a little busy right now."

"I know, it's why I'm here," Anna opened the door, "You have a concussion, Richard doesn't want you left alone."

"In the bath?" Kahlan said incredulously.

"You could drown, he said," Anna smiled, Kahlan returned it.

"I suppose, I could."

Anna sat on the stool beside the bath as Kahlan started to wash her hair, "I love your hair."

Kahlan stopped, "Thank you."

"You don't tie it back? Braid it often?" Kahlan realised Anna was listening to the exchange between her and Richard.

"No, it's a symbol of my authority, as a Confessor. It's to show that a Confessor is ruled by no one."

"But her own power," Anna said quietly.

Kahlan was startled, she didn't expect Anna to understand or know her… limitations. "My power is who I am. Who I was born to be."

"Even if it means giving up Richard?" Anna stared Kahlan down. "Why did you tell me Richard had no one?"

"Because he doesn't," Kahlan said stiffly, her face slipping into her Confessor face, her feelings locked tight in their box.

"He loves you."

"No." Kahlan whispered. "He can't."

"He told me so himself," Anna sighed and held her hand out to Kahlan, Kahlan looked down at it before she took it. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"A lot of things. But for bringing you pain. When I saw Richard, I saw our history, what everyone expected of us as if it was our destiny. I didn't see or want to see that Richard had a different destiny."

"Richard is the Seeker, he will save a lot of lives if he succeeds," Kahlan said with a smile.

"And he'll have you by his side," Anna agreed.

Kahlan shook her head, "Of course but Richard wants things. Things I can never give him."

"He is right to want them Kahlan, he loves you."

Kahlan sighed and refused to answer. She just wanted to curl up and go to sleep. But at this rate, Richard would be waking her up every five seconds to ensure she wouldn't fall into a coma. It was going to be a long night.

&

Richard was chopping wood when Kahlan went outside after her bath. "I might drown?" She said as she walked up to Richard.

"It was a possibility," Richard replied with a smile. "Are you going to confess now?"

Kahlan quirked an eyebrow, "Confess?"

"That you were jealous of Anna," Richard smiled still, but it faltered just a bit in his eyes. His worry was clearly creeping in.

Nodding, Kahlan sat down on the grass, "Yes, I was jealous. How could I not be?"

"She's not you Kahlan," Richard said quietly.

"No, but she can give you the things you want, she can kiss you…" Kahlan realised where that was heading and stopped. She was happy to see she wasn't the only one who averted her eyes.

"I don't want to kiss her, I want to kiss you."

"You can't," Kahlan said sadly.

"One of these days Kahlan Amnell, I'm going to find a way."

&

Richard didn't want to leave like this, before Emma and the girls were awake but the soldiers had returned, yelling of a witch, a Confessor had come to take people's souls.

Kahlan had already saddled her horse before Richard had finished eating. She kept her head down and away from Anna, whatever truce they had going on hadn't held out till the morning.

Anna smiled and held Richard's pack while he saddled up his horse. She apologised for everything that had happened and wished they could go back to the way it was before.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Richard said with one of his brightest smiles.

Anna bit her lip before she spoke again, "Richard, are you sure? About everything."

Richard looked over to where Kahlan was placing her daggers back into their correct holders under her Confessor's dress.

"Meeting Kahlan, it was like meeting the other half of myself," Richard's smile turned softer, "I just need her to realise that's not something to be afraid of."

"Then I hope the good spirits are with you Richard, because you'll have a better time getting through to chicken man," Anna said with a laugh.

Zedd. Richard thought with a laugh, "I wouldn't say something like that Anna, he might hear you."

Kahlan walked over, "Everything's ready."

Anna shifted next to Richard, "Thanks again Kahlan. Lucas will be a big help. I think he's weeded out at least 6 possible scenarios of the missing people."

Kahlan nodded, "I do hope you find your brother, Anna."

"I pray that the good spirits be with you, Kahlan," Anna smiled and squeezed Richard's arm before she went inside.

"She would have made a nice wife," Kahlan said, offhandedly, but Richard knew better.

"Yeah, just not my wife," Richard gave Kahlan a smile he knew would infuriate her. "Off to find Zedd now?"

Kahlan clearly still wanted to be on this subject but she nodded as she walked back over to her horse. "You are the Seeker."

Richard nodded, I know, but every time you say we shouldn't be together, you're lying to me. But if there was anything Richard had learnt as the Seeker it was that there was a time for truth and a time for secrets. No matter how much they hurt, they had to be kept. Otherwise there would be no light at the end of this tunnel.

Fin.


End file.
